I resist, O Lord, the tasks before me.
The creative tasks demand too much risk. I may fail and today I cannot BEAR failure.
Do not ask me why.
Is my life so burdened that one more failure will kill me? Hardly. And still I prefer to steer clear of failure, so the creative tasks are out of the question.
The tedious tasks are too boring. O Lord, I die of boredom! If I take up the boring tasks I will hate them and my life will be filled with resentment and I will die!
Is this really true? It is not and yet, I prefer not to put it to the test.
The tasks of service to others are too demeaning. If I do as I am told one more time I will die of shame and embarrassment! I am too old to follow other people’s agendas, wishes, and instructions!
Do I have an agenda of my own that is so important that I cannot accede to the requests of others? I do not, not today, but following other people’s instructions would only remind me of that shameful fact.
There remains for me nothing left to do but to pray for deliverance from the rock of my resistance, O Rock of redeeming love.
Redeem my paltry tokens of resistance for the pure treasure of energy.
Do not make me do it myself!
Well, perhaps I will make the first move.
There. I have written this bad psalm and sing it with all my heart!
Or at least half of my heart.
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