Do less

This is one of those days that gets darker as it advances. As the clouds thicken my intentions for the day shift down, my ambitions shrink.

I put on biking gear when I got up at 6. By the time I got a load of laundry started, which I intended to hang out to dry after I got back, the air was stilling, the trees deeper in the woods were hiding in fog. I decided to wait a bit to get out on the bike. Now, when I might have been in the middle of a 17-mile ride, I hear thunder. My change of plan is vindicated.

I didn’t want to get on the bike at all. I was feeling tired but I thought I should push myself. I’ll never be ready for a century ride if I don’t start upping my mileage. But when I saw the weather I said to myself, with guilty satisfaction, Oh well there goes that idea, and sat on the swing with a cup of coffee. Now I see that even the laundry will have to stay inside today. Lalo the cat also had early ambitions and asked to go outside. But now he paws at the porch screen door and I let him back in.

I scan the online news, ignore the wars and natural disasters, and go for the latest psychoanalyses of philandering politicians. What were they thinking, indeed. I will never understand the John Edwardses and the Anthony Weiners. Should we have compassion for them? It does seem possible that whatever makes them successful politicians also puts their good sense to sleep.

Those who charm us into electing them are often risk takers. “If you asked one of these guys ‘What are the chances of you getting caught?’ you would see an underestimation of the risks,” one psychologist says. “And the severity of the consequences is underestimated.” Women, on the other hand, “tend to focus on the potential harm of the consequences.”

This morning I was being cautious, thinking about the potential consequences of getting caught in a thunderstorm. I don’t mind pulling back, tucking in my ambitions, exercising caution. I don’t mind doing less, achieving less, giving up on my plans. And I am simply incapable of engaging in the kind of risky behavior that gets these guys into trouble. That does not make me better, just different.

I have a dream image from last night: two huge animals, big as a house, loom in front of me.  They are identified as elk. I know they will not harm those who are in their presence though they could easily trample us.

I look up Elk animal medicine. Elk counsels building stamina and strength, pacing yourself so you don’t burn out. Elk counsels the importance of community, not doing everything yourself.

Perfect instructions for today. I will not push myself. I will sit awhile longer on the darkening porch, listening to the approaching thunder.