Poltergeist

Last week during the visit of the Ann Arbor family, two objects disappeared. I’m not blaming the family or any of its members. I’m just saying, there were visitors present when it happened and I don’t know what, if anything, that had to do with it.

The first lost item was the remote for the Blu-Ray. At first we thought Hazel must be responsible. She could have picked it up off the coffeetable and deposited it somewhere. Anywhere. Though we had been keeping our adoring eyes on her, perhaps in an unguarded instant she had spirited it off and dropped it in a cupboard or wastebasket or, or . . . .

We searched the house, the cupboards, all the anywheres and somewheres, high and low, over several days. The remote never turned up.

The day after they left I discovered that one of my new sports bras was missing. Like the Blu-Ray remote, without which we could not watch streaming movies or DVDs with subtitles, this was a valued piece of property. I’d discovered a style with perfect fit and comfort. It was not cheap. I searched high and low, in and out, in imagined and unimaginable places (keeping my eye peeled for the remote at the same time).

Hazel had not been in my bedroom or closet. I had not laundered this bra or taken it off in any odd place. It had been in my closet, in one of only two possible locations. It was gone.

After several days of nagging, repetitive searching for both these items I casually googled “disappearing objects” and came across the usual commonsensical admonitions about absentmindedness and theft.

Who would steal a bra and a remote? Where could we have misplaced them, that we hadn’t already searched?

There was also predictable nonsense about poltergeists, and lots of anecdotes about evaporating keys and disappearing and reappearing silverware. One mild instruction caught my attention.

The chances of the problem being a ghost or poltergeist are slim... but what if it is? Others who have had this kind of problem with unseen entities have had success with confronting them about it. When something disappears, talk aloud to the entity, saying something like, "Whoever you are, I do not appreciate that you take my things, even if you do sometimes return them. This is my house, and you are welcome to visit here as long as you do not cause disturbances, frighten me or my family, or take my possessions. Do not take them anymore." Be very firm in speaking with them, as if you are talking to a child whose behavior you want to change. You may need to repeat the admonition a few times before it has its desired effect.

I read this aloud to Vic last night and we laughed, and then I repeated it to the “entity,” with special emphasis on how much I wanted my expensive, comfortable sports bra back.

Several hours later I was checking email just before going to bed. Vic called from another room, “Have you heard from the poltergeist yet?”

“No,” I started to answer but before I got the word out my vision slid a few inches to the side and I saw the missing bra. It was on the floor right next to my chair, lying on top of the tangle of cords of computer, phone, modem, and printer.

There is no way it would have been there for nearly a week and I just didn’t see it. There is no way it could have gotten there in the first place. You may doubt this but I assure you, it is true.

And creepy! I proclaimed my heartfelt thanks. We had a good, if nervous laugh. I had some trouble going to sleep, imagining entities.

We both pleaded for the remote, but we’re still waiting.