Cumulative impact of fear

Three days into my new enterprise I am left with nothing to say. I was afraid this would happen.

“I was afraid”: that is the operative statement. What I do with the fear is the real test. 

The thing about fear is that it accumulates, one fear confirmed leads to an expectation of further confirmation, which becomes self-fulfilling. OK, what I’m talking about here is a psycho-spiritual version of cumulative impacts.

“Cumulative impacts” is an environmental policy wonk term for the fact that bad things add up until the whole system fails (I am an environmental policy wonk by day).

My fear of having nothing to say is the contrary voice to the one that spoke a few days ago, proclaiming confidently that I had so much to say on the general topic of practical mysticism that I could write a nearly daily blog. If I listen to the scared voice and if, on a given day (like Day 3 already!), I actually do have nothing to say, I immediately become a believer in “I have nothing to say.” And, like all believers, I will look for evidence to confirm that belief. And find it. In a few days, evidence will pile up that I have nothing to say and I will be silenced by it.

I know because I’ve been here before.

So here is where the dream comes in that I reported two days ago. The dream set before me a big, fearful task (talking on the phone in French to a publisher and yes that has to do with finding a public voice). My dream mentor gave me the wherewithal to get through it, which I believe is a path through any chronic, cumulative fear.

Make one small move into the fear. Spirit will make the next move. Then it’s your turn again. And then Spirit will come through again, then you, then Spirit, and on and on.

So this is my next move. Having nothing to say I said it anyhow.